You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
