He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
