Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
