Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
