he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We're too hungover to prance.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
