What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
