i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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