I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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