i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
