Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
