My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
