just survived the first fart of the relationship.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
