Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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