If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
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couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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