Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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