Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
