Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
