i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
