very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
