last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
