whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
