took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
