I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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