Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
