We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
