So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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