i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
