I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
