Umm I'm too high to move.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
