and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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