The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize