I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
