It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
