WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
