Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
