We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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