i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
