It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
