Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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