yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I pour the whiskey from now on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
