drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This baby is an asshole
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
