And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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