My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
