At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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