420 ftw
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
