you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
