So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
