We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
