you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
