we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
