Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
