I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
