I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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