Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
