I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
