so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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