no, he came in my armpit
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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