I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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