I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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