So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
