How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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