Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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