My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
