I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
